I can’t keep up with the Kardashians :|

Photo from Huffington Post, gladly provided by Monique.

I love family photos on Christmas cards–it’s classically traditional with a light personal touch. But I don’t think I’m loving this take on family photographs very much. 😐

Let me start with some of my general comments:

1. It’s a large irony to look like the Addams family for Christmas. 😐 No they’re not wearing black  skin tight mermaid dresses (although, yes, Kim is very close) or braids, but there’s a certain air of morbidity that makes me want to skip Christmas and just jump to New Year in the hopes that this family may be happier then.

2. And to complement that morbidity, they all wore death in their faces. They look like they’ve been pumped with formaldehyde and sprayed with plastic. If anything, that gray background just… depresses me even more. Save for Kendall’s touch of green, it’s all just washed out. So anti-Christmas.

3. What with the unmatched styles? You would have thought that they’d talk about what they’d be wearing! Yes the males match their partners, but tuxes are easily dismissible. It’s the gowns that catch our attentions. There’s Victorian, modern, traditional, frou-frou, tomboy–it’s like walking into a cheesy department store.Save for their jet black hair and overapplication of eyeshadow, they just don’t look–together. They might as well have taken individual shots and have some computer dude merge them in one photo. It shouldn’t be too hard–they found someone to digitally warp their faces. The “Disicks/Kardashians” are too far from everyone, Kylie looks like a mermaid statue, and contrary to everyone’s stiff demeanor, Rob looks like his posing for Tiger Beat.

And now, to individual criticism:

1. Kylie: She’s not even 15 yet and she looks like she’s over the hill at 30.Ghost, mermaid, you decide.

2. Kim: Her hair is a little too severe. What is it with this family and looking 15 years older? No wonder they needed the magic aid of photo-editing to counter (or enhance) that effect.

3. Kris: If there’s one thing this mother handed down to her children, it’s this pedestrian pose–putting a hand on her hip, carefully followed by her two daughters, Kim and Khloe. She has the most relaxed posture, at least.

4. Bruce: if you’re a fan of their show, you know there’s only one thing running through this former track star’s head: “What have I gotten myself into?”

5. Lamar: He completes the whole Addams family effect–he dressed and looked like Lurch.

6. Khloe: Nice dress and I love how she upstaged Kim (and everyone else in this shot).

7. Rob: … even in the photo he plays the uncontested role of “the other Kardashian”

8. Kendall: Slowly and carefully, she’s taking the “most beautiful” crown away from her elder sister, Kim, who’s desperately clinging on to that coveted title. Her features here remind me of Khloe, though; a little scrunched up in the forehead and nose area.

9. Mason: So adorable. I won’t dare pick on a kid especially not when he’s this cute.

10. Kourtney: The suit suits (haha) her but it doesn’t suit the photo very much. It’s very apt, however, for a relationship where she plays the strong husband.

11. Scott Disick: By no way am I going to make this objective. Obviously there is something wrong with a man who’s two letters away from a four-letter D word. All the more proving that his evil lies under stealth.

Is this what growing up entails? Looking all plastic-ly sophisticated?

At this point, they reinvented the word “fierce” to be a good thing.

One response to “I can’t keep up with the Kardashians :|

  1. Looks like the Addams Family

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