You know how when you’re in a relationship, you try to keep track of every “first” you do as a couple–from the totally romantic first kiss to the ridiculously contrived first-time-you-ate-in-TOSH -using-a-credit-card? As in konti nalang, isusulat niyo na talaga.
Well, tough luck! This entry isn’t about that! Ano ako, cheesy? pweh!. A serious post like the one right before this definitely needs to be countered with a less mind-racking, highly amusing one. So, in the spirit of contrast, cheers to some really unromantical firsts. (I think they say a lot about me.)
1. First alcoholic drink: it had to be that awesome mix of pre-college freedom and just really BI friends. In May 2006, they gave me this red concoction thing which tasted just like juice. Several bottles and bottoms up later, I was on all fours in the bathroom floor puking my tummy out. The puking parade continued in the car (sorry Nielsen), in front of the hotel lobby, along the street, and in the car (this time in a plastic bag). Suffice to say, I hate alcohol. I still try every now and then (like a teaspoon every several months) just so I wouldn’t be THAT ignorant. But seriously, I shall never have the same loving relationship with alcohol as I did with Coca-Cola. That was a vodka cruiser, btw,–a sissy drink. Yeah yeah I know I can’t hold my liquor; it’s not as if I want to be able to either.
2. My first love: Why, it has to be Steven Cheng! My kindergarten boyfriend who dumped me for Lauren Relucio in first grade. Dumped at four years old, heartache chooses no age!
3. My first smoke: Never… sort of. I used to think smoking was cool. It certainly was portrayed as a very glamorous activity by the likes of Cruella deVille (may cigarette holder pa!) and that fox in Pinocchio (I swear, who can blow out smoke donuts? Who?). Sinong hindi mawiwili dun? Hay, we’ve got to fix some of these seemingly harmless cartoons. Anyway, my first (and last smoke) consisted of rolling a sheet of bond paper and lighting it, age six. Did I get high? I don’t really remember (that’s how high I got, epekto ng papel).
4. My first egg tart: If you don’t know what an egg tart is, you should just die right now but that bite of egg tart will send you shooting right to heaven anyway. That’s how yummy it is. It’s like an egg pie (only better!) but in tiny bread cups. Lord Stow’s made my year back when I was eight and mama kept going to Manila for my brother’s college entrance examinations. One time she gave me fake egg tart, some Portuguese brand she disguised as Lord Stow’s. I haven’t forgiven her since.
5. My first manliligaw: I’m not going to say his name here but the whole charade came as a shock. I still remember the date, June 12, 2002, when he asked if he could “court me”! hahaha I never intended to have a boyfriend in school (high school AND college) because it’ll just distract me from any other priority I had.I remember when practically everyone around me was pining for a man/boy in their lives but me? I just wanted that egg tart (see no. 4). In love with love, I never was. Anyway, it was a very flattering and sudden first especially since I was such an ungainly skinny, bossy, dancing monkey in an unkempt blue and white uniform, and barely into high school pa. I used to think that a relationship with the opposite sex was the leap to adulthood but now, eight years later, I just laugh at petty high school chorva. That time, I didn’t know how the whole courting thing worked so I just kept saying “thank you” to the guy kahit anong gawin niya. Didn’t work out though, fortunately. I was just a kid, I couldn’t fathom having a “boyfriend” at such an absurdly early age. From stuffed animals to boys, what a huge leap, di ko abot. Until now I’m still in denial that I had one before 18, sighs, where did my childhood (and sanity) go?
6. My first time to pee inside a classroom: Don’t laugh at me, you did it too, admit it. Grade 1, a few minutes before dismissal time (which makes it even more embarrassing). I blamed it on the dude beside me but I got caught anyway. Ewwww.
7. My first movie operated on Betamax: Sasha, age 5, already knew how to press Play, Stop, and Rewind on the Betamax player… all for the love of Aladdin! My entire family left me alone with only Aladdin as entertainment while they were gone. Unfortunately, the movie ended and they haven’t returned yet. It didn’t take a lot of fiddling with the buttons to get it to play again! I believe any techiness I had ended there; I remain fiercely loyal to my abacus. HAHA
8. The first DVD I ever bought: Back when the DVD was this brand new, super high-tech phenomenon, I found it to be way overpriced (like everything else in this world). Only the best of the best movies were meant to be watched with an original DVD–and for me, that was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Tim Burton.
9. My first time to wear a bikini without a shirt and shorts: Let’s see, my first bikini was during fourth year high school (15) and then, I wore it under a tank top and board shorts.I unveiled my “body” in a normal bikini with boyshort-bottoms in Cebu when I was a college freshman and even that took a lot of prodding. Last month, I felt brave enough to wear a bikini with actual panty bottoms (without any cover ups) in Subic. I took my cover off under the water haha. And, the first time I wore a string bikini in its pure, 90-percent naked glory was… never. We can’t all be that shexy,
Hahaha. It’s getting a little too long. I’ll end it here.