I made this Paint-collage (yes, MS Paint) last Monday, carefully listing the things I want your elves to make me for Christmas.
But now, and only if it’s not too much, I just want Heather Morris’ body. You can give the camera, ring, watch, dvd, treadmill, shoes, and stuffed chicken to some other girl who really needs it. Jason’s smile, on the other hand, is mine and mine alone, sorry Santa, some things aren’t meant to be shared, even in the season of giving.
I’m sending you my digital letter early (again) in the hopes that your labor-law-exempted elves, who I’m sure you’re already working overtime, could take a leave from their pants-dropping schedule to chisel my belly fat away, sculpt my abs into tight rockhard muscles, and carve me into the perfection that is Heather Morris right before my beach trip.
Thank you. I also know this is a lot cheaper for you too. I try to be economical every now and then, no need to thank me.
Can you send your elves back after I gain all my Christmas fat?
And if your elves have even more time to spare, please send them over to Britney Spears’ Malibu home. She’s definitely crying of envy after that last painfully fabulous Glee episode. Please remold her back to the physical perfection that she once was, hit her baby one more time (okay, laugh naman!).