I bet a million dollars (hypothetically speaking) that when I was a kid, my mother had no idea how I would turn out. There were signs, yes, but they were mixed and a little too contradicting for her to form a concrete picture of my future. I used to be the future Elizabeth Arden. One summer, I attempted to mix different kinds of perfume using flowers, alcohol, and cologne. I even emptied my mom’s perfume bottles just so I could use them for my perfume-manufacturing business. Mama even encouraged it, being a pharmacist herself, she bought be filters and spritzers to use and she barely complained when I created a little work station in our dining room. I was a prodigy… one that only lasted a week until I realized that I couldn’t stay cooped up in the house all day attending to little tubes and bottles.
But my little strokes of genius were countered with less-than-brilliant ideas. I nearly killed myself as I inserted a key in an electric outlet and my dreams of becoming Thomas Edison faltered when a lamp-fixing idea led to my sister’s burnt fingers. It was probably a confusing moment for my mother but she allowed me to continue my crazy, experimental, fleeting self. But while I’m thankful, there’s always a little voice inside my head that wishes everything could’ve just been handed to me easy. The idea of becoming anything you want to be sounds awesome… but when one is at a point where she’s only sure of one thing, it’s not that easy. Crucial choices have to be made, and it’s not as simple as picking which flowers make the best scents. Tell me, how exactly does one choose in a selection of endless possibilities?
Back in my porn star days. I was really a lot of future-somethings when I was a kid.